Friends reunited
THE razzle-dazzle Diary is celebrating the undeniable glamour of Scottish football, which has always been much more fab and fantastico than the dull version of the game played by the likes of Messi and Ronaldo.
Ian Noble from Carstairs Village recalls that back in the 1960s Hearts had a player named Johnny Hamilton who owned a set of false teeth which he was very proud and, understandably, were left in the dressing room when he was on the pitch.
During one match the referee, a chap referred to as the Mighty Tiny Wharton, had occasion to send Johnny off, which he did by uttering the never to be forgotten line: “I think, Mr Hamilton, it’s time you were reunited with your teeth.”
Handy gloves
THE Diary recently became the arena for a heated discussion about the animals that make the worst pets.
Steve Haggerty contributes to the debate by telling us: “I wouldn’t recommend owning a tarantula. It’s true that they’re cute, furry and don’t mind having their tummies tickled. Though, rather frustratingly, when you’re doing the tummy tickling, you have to wear an oven glove, covered by a baseball mitt, covered by a medieval knight’s gauntlet.”
Fiendish food
IT’S no secret that the Diary’s cultured readers are equal parts bibliophile and bon vivant. They’re now combining those passions by devising edible books.
Ken MacIver from Milngavie suggests a terrifying dystopian fiction about fiendish foliage and despicably yummy snacks, in a novel that can only be named… The Day of the Tiffins.
Faultless argument
HUMBLE reader Geoff Travers says: “There are sadly far too many people who lack all self-awareness and are devoid of the basic humility to acknowledge their flaws. Not me, though. I’d be perfectly happy to acknowledge all my faults… if I had any.”
Testing times
A MEDICAL malady suffered by reader Becky Macdonald resulted in a visit to the hospital, where she was given a thorough check-up.
Understandably she was a tad nervous regarding the test results.
Thankfully she received a reassuring letter a week later saying everything was fine.
The same day she received another letter from the hospital, saying the exact same thing.
Another two identical letters arrived, as well.
“What a waste of paper,” harrumphed Becky’s hubby.
“Though very reassuring,” countered Becky. “I almost wish they’d sent me a few more.”
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Warmly woolly
REMINISCING about enjoyable jobs from his past, reader Matt Burroughs says: “I used to work in a jumper factory. It was a very clothes-knit community.”
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