ZETA TALKING BALLS
NEWS greets Back 4 from our Montenegrin office, where the local press is reporting serious allegations against Rangers FC. You might think that FK Zeta would be keen to stay out of the limelight after their fans subjected Rangers' black players to racist abuse, but no . . .

"Each ball costs about 100 and we have sent them a bill," moaned the club's sporting director after accusing Walter Smith's side of leaving with seven footballs Zeta had "generously" lent them to train with.

Boo hoo. Mind you, guess every penny's a prisoner when a hefty fine from UEFA is winging its way from Nyon.

EUROPEAN TOUR
Northern Ireland's women's football team had to go to Belarus for a Euro 2009 qualifier. Things did not run smoothly.

"Our flight from Dublin to Prague was cancelled on Saturday morning and we eventually left at 9pm on a flight to Heathrow," manager Alfie Wylie told Back 4.

"We got to a hotel, but were up at 4am to fly to Frankfurt, only to be put on a plane to Warsaw, which was delayed. When we eventually got to Minsk there were five bags missing and it wasn't until Monday night that they turned up, so it has been an eventful trip."

They lost 5-0.

THE SHAME'S BONDS'
Matt Murphy, 21, caught Barry Bonds' home-run record-breaking ball last week, instantly making himself liable for a $210,000 tax bill.

Under US law, once Murphy took possession of the ball, it became income, based on its value, which most people reckon is at least half a million bucks.

Meanwhile, President Bush phoned up Baz to congratulate him on his record, seemingly unconcerned by the allegations of steroid abuse that have dogged Bonds. In his State of the Union address in 2004, Bush called for a crackdown on steroids, but hey, times change . . .

Bonds, of course, denies taking performance-enhancing substances. So it was left to Time magazine to run a photo spread of his playing career, with pictures of him from every season beside his vital statistics. From 1987, weight 185lbs, to 1997, where he mysteriously bulked up, to his present, beefy, record-breaking best. Not that they were suggesting anything of course.

STOP PRESS
WE get some strange press releases sent to the Back 4 bunker, but one last week from Green Umbrella Publishing deserves special mention. The company tells us that they "stole the limelight at the London International Book Fair". Wow! How, I hear you ask? "By announcing it would publish the official autobiography of Plymouth FC manager Ian Holloway".

Okaaaaay. But wait, that's not all! Green Umbrella is also "set to change the face of book tours . . . In what is believed to be a first, a programme of 14 book signings is being sponsored by Ginsters - the Cornish firm famous for pasties".

Ground-breaking stuff.

WEIGHTY MATTERS
THE biggest story in Japan at the moment is not tumbling stock markets or political scandals, but the mental state of the sumo Grand Champion.

Mongolian Asashoryu is reportedly on the brink of a nervous breakdown, holed up in his apartment fighting back tears and begging to be allowed to go home.

A few weeks ago, he won his 21st Emperor's Cup, the top sumo prize. But he then skipped a summer exhibition tournament, claiming he was injured, before being filmed playing in a football match.

The Japan Sumo Association hit him with an unprecedented two-tournament suspension and a 30% pay cut for four months. Grand Champions are expected to wear kimono when they appear in public, to keep their hair in a well-oiled topknot and to avoid any kind of controversy. Skipping a major exhibition tournament was not acceptable, especially when sumo attendance is dwindling.

There was perhaps a clue that Asashoryu was not interested in the concept of sportsmen as role models by his choice of garb at the football tournament: a Wayne Rooney England shirt.