THE internet age has spawned a new strain of Old Firm idiocy. Untraceable and unaccountable, this is the evolution of the bampot. They are more to be pitied than laughed at, but should not be underestimated and still represent the greatest turn-off in a potentially classic climax to the Clydesdale Bank Premier League season.
Rangers and Celtic deserve unstinting praise for their initiatives to eradicate bigoted and discriminatory behaviour at Ibrox and Celtic Park. They are powerless to prevent the rise of the log-on looney. The intelligent, reasoned follower of Old Firm fortunes has suffered the indignity of having clear, concise and cerebral arguments drowned out by feverish and irrational proclamations from the forum dwellers.
Last week invited the full gamut of ungraciousness. Forget the thrilling sight of Shunsuke Nakamura's banana shot bending beyond Allan McGregor. Never mind Nacho Novo's scampering run and finish. A collector's item in Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink's winner against Rangers? Pah. Instead, newspapers, phone-ins and the labyrinth of unofficial websites have been bombarded with clipe and counter-clipe. Celtic Park should be closed down after a coin was thrown at the Rangers doctor, Paul Jackson. Never mind punishing the perpetrator of the cowardly act, just shut the place down will you, Mr Lawwell?
Sir David Murray should apparently be hauled before the United Nations for not preventing a banner being unfurled inside Parkhead that declared Nakamura Ate My Dog. At the very least, economic sanctions should be imposed on the club, as well as their supporters being forced to sit a compulsory HND in Far Eastern Dietary Customs.
Are we really to believe that these macho men, many of whom endure the pain of political' tattoos on their forearms, are actually sensitive souls who simply cannot abide such offensive behaviour? Please.
There is a serious point to this. The Rangers Supporters' Trust, the most vocal of the club's many fractured fans' groups, have released a statement in support of Celtic Park being closed. It is a dangerous development that serves only to discredit the Trust by pandering to the lowest common denominator. Not only do the fanzine brigade have a platform but they have been given encouragement by an organisation who should know better than to entertain them.
On Thursday night, a radio phone-in that is an established and esteemed microcosm of Old Firm fervour was dedicated not to the changing face of the championship race but to the hidden meaning behind Nakamura Ate My Dog. Racist, discriminatory, the SFA must act was the gist. Are we to assume Celtic's sublimely gifted and profoundly intelligent midfielder has endured sleepless nights over a banner that is not only inaccurate but, given his limited grasp of English, probably lost on him?
Do we even have to point out that Japanese don't eat dog meat?
A clear distinction must be drawn between real Old Firm supporters and the plankton who contribute nothing but embarrassment to their respective clubs. The right-minded majority have had their thought-provoking opinions drowned out by a tedious din from those who seek a form of internet-driven infamy; the kind who have taken to inconveniencing UEFA every Monday morning with their pathetic reel of YouTube one-upmanship.
Fighting in the electronic ether is preferable to fighting on the streets but this absorbing season is in danger of being spoiled by the moral crusaders for whom confrontation on the pitch is peripheral to point-scoring on the web.
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AND ANOTHER THING . . .
ANOTHER Hearts annual meeting, another laughable defence from the Romanovs. The club's failure to reach the top six is nothing to do with the meddling of Vladimir, or the flimsy chairmanship of young Roman. Of course not. It's the referees with their Old Firm agendas. Finding a new manager was also revealed to have been a difficult process. Really? Did they expect a queue of reputable, self-respecting coaches tripping over each other to inherit this bloated, shambling squad without guarantees of autonomy?
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