The grotesque spectacle that was the end of the McCartney marriage has demonstrated just how bitter divorce proceedings can become. There's no doubt it is one of life's most devastating events, rated alongside bereavement and bankruptcy in terms of stress - but is there such a thing as a good divorce?

Denise Knowles, a counsellor with the advice organisation Relate, believes so. "There is the possibility for people to have a good' divorce if they are able to understand the reasons why their marriage has come to an end," she explains. "What has to be understood, though, is that to get to divorce, couples will have gone through a pretty ropey time."

For many parting couples, the existence of children is one of the prime motivators to keep things amicable - yet, conversely, it is the very issue of provision for children that can cause proceedings to sour. "Where there are children involved, people do try to fight to get the best for them," says Knowles. "When we are looking at the payouts of many of these celebrity or high-flying couples, what they tend to be arguing about is maintenance."

The route by which a couple arrive at the decision to split also has an effect on the tone of their divorce. When there are issues of infidelity or cruelty, for example, staying cool and detached can seem impossible. "One of the things not to do is point the finger of blame at each other all the time and not take responsibility for what's going on," says Knowles.

Finding yourself pitched against the one-time love of your life can be an isolating experience, and leads many to question their own judgment. "A lot of people are not prepared for how greedy or avaricious a partner can become, or how unfair a partner can appear to be," says Knowles. "They find out there's a bit of a mean streak and that's when things can start to fall apart."

Another powder-keg scenario is where only one partner is pushing for the split. "If you've got one person who wants to be out and the other who doesn't, it'll be a time when people are very hurt and very angry. Understanding that these are natural emotions that you are going to experience is important. It's not going to be pleasant, but you can make it as painless as possible."

Having support in place, whether in the form of a professional counsellor or a few close friends and family, is essential. Many people now find comfort on internet forums and advice websites, where they can speak directly to individuals in a similar position. In Scotland, couples have several options for pursuing their break-up, ranging from mediation to litigation. Negotiation is still the most common form of resolving a separation. Here, couples hire lawyers to help sort things out and need not come face-to-face with their former partner.

Alasdair Loudon, head of family law at Turcan Connell in Edinburgh, believes mutual respect is the key to a satisfactory outcome. "It is definitely possible to have a good divorce, but it depends on both parties recognising the importance of being prepared to compromise and see the other person's point of view. Divorces that are acrimonious are almost always the result of one person taking a stance that is extreme or particularly unfair." Loudon also advises clients to be mindful of future family occasions when deciding on a settlement. "As they move forward, they are going to have to go to their children's 21st birthdays, graduations, weddings and so on, and it is so much better from the point of view of the children - and indeed for their own happiness - to come to a mutually acceptable settlement rather than holding out for the maximum they can get.

"It's very much cheaper, in terms of legal expenses, if you can come to an amicable solution. If it gets very long and protracted, that's going to be tens of thousands of pounds which is not going to find its way to the children at the end of the day."

Scotland does not have a tradition of pre-nuptial agreements, he adds. "Pre-nups are most common where one of the couple has established wealth before the marriage and wants to protect that. In Scotland, because the law to a large extent excludes pre-marital capital from division, the law is almost taking on the role of what pre-nups do anyway." But he adds: "There are certain circumstances where it would be unfair for the couple to go into the marriage without there being a pre-nup, for example where there is a huge difference in personal wealth."

Although pre-nups haven't really been tested in Scotland, the prevailing view is that they are binding and will be recognised by the courts, compared to England where they are merely persuasive. "As people read about cases much further afield than Scotland in which pre-nups are a factor, then inevitably those who have got wealth want to consider them before they enter a second marriage," says Loudon.

Not everybody believes they are the way forward. "I'm not sure that thinking about divorce before you get married is necessarily a good ground for getting married," says Knowles. "I would suggest a couple discuss what marriage means to them and what their expectations of marriage are, and understand that, if things do go wrong, they will endeavour to make it as equitable as possible. When it comes to Joe Public, I think pre-nups can distract from the real reasons for getting married. If you are thinking about this, what is it saying about your ability to trust this partner?"