Even in this liberal age the question that divides the sexes is why are men so afraid of commitment and why are women not? You may find some answers in Zelda West-Meads book How to Make Your Man Commit

In 1997 there were 271,000 marriages, three per cent less than in 1996 and 23 per cent less than in 1981. And despite newspaper headlines saying the opposite, it does seem there has been a huge decline in the popularity of marriage.

Think back to the massive success of Helen Fieldings Bridget Joness Diary, in which the heroine Bridget, successful, solvent and single, moans on about how, at thirtysomething, she is on the shelf. Programmes like Friends and Ellen go on to how hard it is to find a man.

Universally it seems that women want love and stability and men dont.

Zelda West-Meads, a counsellor with Relate for more than 20 years, has written a riveting read and has some answers why men may be commitment-phobic.

She refers to some unlucky in love examples of famous people like Jerry Hall and Mick Jagger and Princess Diana.

West-Meads tries to look at the psychological reasons why they may have been so unlucky and explains why some men, not all, are commitment phobic (or CPM as they are referred to in the book).

In previous generations men expected to marry. But, West-Mead writes: Todays men know they have it all without going near an altar. The more they get used to this, the more they will come to expect it.

In recent years West-Meads has noticed an increase in the number of people contacting her on the subject of non-commitment the majority are women.

But it is not just men who have never been married who have problems with commitment. Men who have been through an unhappy marriage or an acrimonious divorce are later twice as shy.

Women have also contributed to the sea-change. Their lifestyles have changed. More women are financially independent with a strong network of friends, both men and women, and an interesting life.