ACTRESS Kate Dickie, who announced the nominations for the Bafta Scotland Awards yesterday, has had to put her own Bafta award on a high shelf. The reason is that her four-year-old daughter thinks the Bafta face-mask is a dressing-up head, and Kate usually found it festooned with necklaces and earrings when her back was turned.

Incidentally, Kate, who won her award for playing the grim-faced, introverted CCTV operator Jackie in the Glasgow-based film Red Road, says she would actually like to smile a bit more in her roles.

"People think I'm a miserable cow," she admits.

Left-wing cartoon
OUR Washington correspondent phones to tell us that a group linked to the Democrats is being investigated for allegedly falsifying voter registration forms after a form for Mickey Mouse was discovered.

"President Bush is furious," says our man in Washington. "He always believed that Mickey was a Republican."

Slow roast
THE increase in televised sport on a Sunday surprised a couple of Glasgow west end women who had met for lunch, only to find the bar/diner crowded with fans watching the football on Setanta. It also meant that staff were so busy that there was no sign of their meals half an hour after they had ordered.

At that, a goal was scored, a great roar went up, and one of the women told her pal: "Sounds as though someone just got their food."

Basement bakers
MEANWHILE, in Edinburgh, Knight Frank is advertising a flat near Edinburgh Castle for a million quid. And the developer has offered to stock its wine cellar if it sells before Christmas.

Very Edinburgh really. The Glasgow equivalent would be to stock the fridge from Greggs.

Bold retriever
OUR tale of the Edinburgh woman who wanted to sell her gold bracelet, not because of the credit crunch but because her dog had swallowed it, reminds Tony Martin in Australia of when the family labrador swallowed his wife's expensive gold watch.

"Over the next couple of days I followed Jack's every movement," Tony tells us. "Sometimes after dark and with the aid of a torch. We managed to get it back and, yes, it was still ticking away."

Kapital idea
We continue to be amazed by folk making a buck out of the on-going financial crisis. Latest is the T-shirt manufacturers Molotov.com. They now have shirts for 15 quid with a picture of Karl Marx and the legend below: "I warned you that this would happen."

Money to burn
THE funeral industry in America is known for its desire to sell the most expensive funerals possible, which was brought home to the family of a Scottish retired chap when he died in America, and wanted to be cremated.

The funeral director was determined to sell them something from a range of expensive caskets with bronze lids and so on, but they insisted on his wish to be cremated.

They felt their old Scots dad would be having a laugh if he was able to hear the funeral director have one last attempt at changing their minds when he told them: "Cremation? You do know it's irreversible?"

Drat and double drat
"My husband lost two stones swimming last month," said the woman in the wine bar the other night.

"I knew I should have tied them around his neck better."