RADIO Clyde ran a promotion with Arnold Clark offering a free tank of petrol at designated garages for some lucky listeners to help alleviate the high cost of fuel.

One listener realised that the garage named was nearby so she hopped in her hubby's car and sped there where she made it in time to qualify for the free petrol.

Hubby has now contacted Clyde's breakfast presenter George Bowie to tell him that, while the petrol was much appreciated, his wife failed to mention that she drove a little too quickly to get the free stuff.

He has now been contacted by the authorities and threatened with a fine and three penalty points on his licence as his car was caught on a speed camera that morning.

Red it before
INDIAN restaurant magnate Charan Gill, who had his first attempt at comedy stand-up this week, owed a debt to the late, great Chic Murray for one of his lines.

Charan was explaining to the packed house at the Glasgow Stand comedy club's Raw Talent night how he worked at Yarrow's shipyard before becoming successful, where me met his first love, Senga, "a big red- headed woman".

And, yes, he added Chic's great line: "No hair, just a big red head."

Where there's a will
INCIDENTALLY, Charan says he couldn't help it when a young entrepreneur asked him how he had made his first million. Charan told him: "With my first spare fiver, I bought some chicken breast and some spices which I turned into a chicken tikka which I sold for £15.

"With the £15, I bought three chicken breasts and spices and sold the three chicken tikkas I made for £45."

"And did you go on doing that until you had made a million?" asked the young chap.

"No," replied Charan, "I kept on doing that until an uncle died and left me three restaurants."

Razor sharp
"NOW I know I'm getting old," said the chap in the pub in the other night.

"I was getting my haircut and the barber asked if I wanted anything for the weekend.

"When I said yes, he offered me his caravan at Saltcoats."

A bit snippy
A READER was at a dinner party where the question of children cropped up, and one young husband said he wanted two children while his wife said she wanted three.

The husband was being all manly and dominant when he tried to end the conversation by announcing: "In that case, I'll just have a vasectomy after our second."

But his wife sweetly replied: "Well, I hope you'll love the third one like it's your own."

It's Oz sense
GARY Johnson in Australia hears some chaps discussing political correctness in that no-nonsense Aussie way when one of them cleared it all up by asking: "Political correctness? Listen, mate, if it's political, how can it be correct?"

Jack's hack-ed off
AT the last Scottish Parliament elections, the then Labour leader Jack McConnell's future appeared so bleak that many political opponents were bandying the phrase "Taxi for McConnell", suggesting he was on his way out.

So it seemed apt, thought one Diary reader, when he saw Jack outside the Scottish Parliament this week trying to wave down a passing taxi, and then haring off across the Royal Mile in pursuit of it, hoping it would stop for him, but it just kept on going.

In despair, he turned back, spotted another cab, raised his arm, and again this vehicle failed to stop.

So, not "Taxi for McConnell" after all.

Don't bank on it
GOOD to see the airline Icelandair making the most of its home country going down the financial plug-hole.

An advertisement from the airline sent to a number of Diary readers reads: "Iceland has never been cheaper!

"The pound is nearly 50% stronger than the Icelandic krona compared to a few months ago, so now is the perfect time to book your Iceland holiday with our Iceland City Break."

Just don't waste your time opening a bank account when you get there presumably.