INDEX
SO, a reader asks, what's happening in the world of art? Well, at the Central Library in Edinburgh there is an exhibition called Lost Property dealing with recycling, with all the art works made from discarded items, including this envelope pictured here.
But it's no ordinary envelope. John Galloway collected all those red rubber bands his local postie discarded in his close, cut them and glued them together into the shape of an envelope, painted it brown, painted on a stamp, and sent it to himself. The rubber band-discarding postie delivered it two days later.
Genius or madness? You decide.
Guarded language
OUR mention of walkie-talkie-carrying security guards reminds John Duffy of
Dennistoun, now in
Huddersfield, of seeing a group of suspicious visitors being tracked from shop to shop in the local shopping mall.
He heard a radio crackle into life and someone said: "They've just left the clothes shop."
Behind him, the serious-sounding security guard looked up and replied: "Confirmative."
Now hear this
WE hear of an American visitor to Scotland, struggling a little with the various accents, stopping at the Forth road bridge and asking how much the toll was.
"Eighty pence," the chap in the booth replied.
"On what?" asked the American.
Rare request
AMERICAN singer-songwriter Robbie Fulks, appearing at the ABC during the Glasgow Americana Festival at the weekend, invited requests from his audience, with the caveat: "I'm only here every six years, so make it a good one."
In vino veritas
A FURTHER example of Australian plain speaking. A reader picks up a bottle of merlot from the Australian Pssst'n'Broke Wine Company which states on the label:
"You won't find blackberries, flowers, vanilla or wet dogs in it because, let's face it, it's made from grapes."
A prize catch
A GLASGOW holidaymaker was attending a function in the Anstruther Fisheries Museum where she bought a ticket for the raffle.
The many prizes of bottles of whisky and cases of beer were called out until she won the final prize - a year's pass to the fisheries museum.
As she went to collect it, a local told her: "Don't worry, hen, it's never open."
All very unfair, of course. It is a wonderful museum, as we must point out before the Anstruther letters arrive.
If the shoe fits
A READER writes: "I see the SNP is considering re-opening the Airborne Initiative, described as a boot camp' for the behaviourally challenged. Surely, given the provenance of the clientele, should it not be named white trainer camp'?"
Dario celebrates roots with miles of tiles
SCOTS racing driver Dario Franchitti is now a household name in America after winning the punishingly-long
Indianapolis 500 race at the weekend. Never forgetting his roots, Dario is the first Scot since Jim Clark in 1965 to win the 500, and he has a bedroom in his home in Nashville entitled the Jim Clark Room. He even picked out tiles the same colour as Jim Clark's racing helmet for the room.
But, clearly showing he is a Scotsman, Dario had to add: "It's the only time I've ever gone and picked out tiles."
The American media also loved the fact that Dario's actress wife, Ashley Judd, kicked off her shoes and ran barefoot over the rain-soaked track to greet him. How romantic, of course, until Ashley explained: "My shoes were dangerous. They were soaking wet. I didn't want to blow out a knee."
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