WRITER and poet Liz Lochhead plans to write a play about turning 60 which she will entitle Horse on Fire.

It comes from a remark a friend made when she wanted Liz to meet someone. "Oh, you'll love him," she said. "You'll get on like a horse on fire."

Liz, who is 59, told the audience at Glasgow Royal Concert Hall's Conversation Pieces yesterday that it would explore being 60 but not feeling anything like it.

"It's just as interesting being 59 as 19," said Liz. "Although I would never have believed it when I was 19."


Degrees of beauty
THE tale about the website where you can judge candidates for today's Scottish Parliament elections on their looks reminds Moyna Gardner in Glasgow of the Glasgow University application form in the 1940s which asked for a photograph of the potential student.

The application form then explained that this was "for reasons of identification, not of selection".

Presumably the university authorities were concerned in case anyone thought the professors were thumbing through the photies saying: "She's a bit of a looker, we'll have her."


Talking trash
THE Downing Street website for May 1 lists: "Press briefing from the Prime Minister's official spokesman on Rubbish Collection and Scotland."

We are right to assume, are we, that they are not related in the minds of government officials?


Eddi on song
ACCLAIMED Scots singer Eddi Reader was delighted to receive an honorary degree from Strathclyde University yesterday, as she confided that having left school at a young age, the degree meant a lot to her.

She tells us that she has always been worried that when she gets old with "china dugs on the shelves" that her great-grandchildren might not believe her when she tells them she's travelled the world, so she can now show them the degree to confirm she had a good voice in her day, she says.


Off the wall comment
OUR story about the chap asking a female gossip on the telephone if she would like to leave a rumour, reminds Fred Jenkins of a gossip visiting a pal's wife. His pal asked her if she had heard about the workman who had fallen into his cement mixer at the local housing development.

He was waiting for her to say no so that he could reply with the old gag: "He's awa' noo."

Unfortunately, she spoiled it by replying in all seriousness: "Aye, ah heard aboot that."


Specs appeal
A READER visiting Dublin passed a street seller offering cheap sunglasses who was being accosted by a customer who was telling him: "I bought these glasses half an hour ago but they're too big. Can I have a smaller pair?"

The salesmen, who obviously went on the principle that once a sale had gone through it was final, replied: "There's nothing wrong with the glasses - it's a bigger head you need."


Park remark
PERHAPS it's the sunny weather that is bringing out the daft conversations, but a Glasgow reader strolling through Botanic Gardens heard a young chap say to his pal: "It's at times like this I wish I had listened to what my mother said."

"What did she say?" asked his pal.

"I've no idea," he replied. "I wasn't listening."


Cross words
AND the chap on the Glasgow subway this week imbibing from a can of superlager, even although the sun was not yet over the yardarm, espied a Herald reader doing the crossword.

"I once got stuck with a crossword clue. Postman drops sack'," says the chap taking a swig from his can as he leaned towards the crossword solver.

And our poor Herald reader, trying to be helpful, did indeed utter the anticipated line: "How many letters?"

"Hundreds of them!" cackled the can imbiber, who no doubt thinks he should be sponsored by the tourist board for being a couthy character.


Playing the field
OUR New York correspondent gets in touch to tell us that Hillary Clinton, hoping to become the Democratic presidential candidate, said in an interview that she would use husband Bill as a roving ambassador as she couldn't think of a better cheerleader for America.

Bill told her, though, that he could think of at least 20, and he already had their phone numbers.