Do you suffer from irksome, brain-spearing Carrophobia? Ever glimpsed the shiny, one-expression face of British comedy's Pillsbury Doughboy*, Jimmy Carr, and then been compelled to pan in the telly?
If so, banish expensive TV repair bills at a stroke! Just don't watch Jimmy Carr's Commercial Breakdown and you'll avoid being violently enraged by a tired old vehicle wherein the prince of the non-PC put-down waxes dismissive about yon ads on the box. Just like the rest of us have been doing at home in front of our own tellies for years.
Only Jimmy Carr does it a bit more sharply, and cruelly. And much more annoyingly. Gaze upon JC and grow more vexed, knowing that truly, this man is the son of grrrr . . .
Turning to a far more pleasant show, Back To You made its terrestrial debut, starring sitcom deity Kelsey Grammer. Over two decades from 1984, Grammer played the mildly irascible and reassuringly flawed psychiatrist, Dr Frasier Crane; first in Cheers and then as the star of Frasier, throughout 264 episodes over 11 years.
If you dug Frasier's foibles, have a swatch at Back To You during its six scheduled UK outings. The show was cancelled last month after a single-season 14-part run in its native America, presumably having failed to attract sufficient numbers of viewers.
Perhaps folk failed to be gripped by its slow-burning start, as it went about introducing the news team at Channel 9, Philadelphia. Shamed old egomaniac anchorman Chuck Darling (Grammer). His feisty co-host and one-time amour Kelly Carr. The duo's bitter/backstabbing/ inept colleagues. Sweaty young over-promoted Ryan Church. Hapless wannabe anchorman Gary Crezyzewski. Oafish old sportscaster Marsh McGinley.
Maybe Joe Public was unmoved by the way in which Back To You satirises the TV news-presentation process in an informed if in-jokey way: eg, highlighting the empty modern urge for visual urgency that results in reporters delivering on-the-spot night-time reports from courthouses that have plainly been shut for hours.
Or did audiences turn off because the show features sharp, wordy gags that signal a little too clearly that they've been written by clever people?
Take this exchange between weather-girl Montana Diaz Herrera, a shameless, skimpily-clad hussy who craves workplace affairs with older men. The mini-skirted Montana explained that she preferred to be called "meteorologist because it makes me seem like a professional". Gazing dismissively at her bared thighs, Crezyzewski rasped: "Trust me, that skirt alone makes you seem like a professional."
Or how about Chuck gallantly seeking to reassure Kelly Cooper: "You look younger now than you did 10 years ago!"
"You even said that with a straight face," Kelly ruefully replied, prompting Chuck's pay-off: "I'm chock-full of Botox."
As ever, Kelsey Grammer hovered perfectly between bluff pomposity and panic, with a measure of good-hearted schmaltz thrown in. He's currently recovering from a mild heart attack before he begins filming another sitcom, as the star of the US version of the not-very-good British show Roman's Empire. Savour him now in Back To You.
* The Pillsbury Doughboy featured in TV ads in the sixties and seventies. He was a small character fashioned from dough. When poked in his tubby stomach, he giggled, holding his belly and smiling. Which is more human and entertaining than Jimmy Carr's ever been.
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