Star rating: **
Dir: Charles Martin Smith
With: Charlie Cox, Billy Boyd, Robert Carlyle

FOR as long as but a hundred Scots cinemagoers remain alive, they will forever regard Charles Martin Smith's account of a certain heist as, er, mince. If you've ever wondered how a California-born director (Smith), a New York actress (Kate Mara) and a Londoner (Charlie Cox) would fare as keepers of Scots history, look no further than this unintentionally funny carry-on.

Cox plays Ian Hamilton, one of the nationalist students who briefly liberated the Stone of Destiny from Westminster Abbey in 1950. As the attempts to present the raid as a caper shift from the tiresome to the excruciating, the film shows itself to be about as Ealing as Easterhouse. "They've got our names!" says one after a run-in with the police makes them think twice about continuing with the plan. "They've also got our stone!" another replies. Ah, but wit about oor freedom, pal? Billy Boyd, Robert Carlyle and Peter Mullan, meanwhile, are kept on the fringes of the action - though it's probably the safest place to be with baloney like this. AR Tomorrow, 6.45pm, Monday, 6.15pm, Cineworld.