This week's dilemma: Our seven-year-old isn't good at reading. Her teacher told us at the end of last term that she is way behind the others in her class. Yet she seems to be clever at everything else. Over the summer, our daughter has been saying she is stupid and that she hates school. My husband wasn't good at reading in school, either, and tells her she has just got to get on with it. What can I do, as she is so negative at the moment?
Readers' replies
I think your child has dyslexia. Our son went through his entire primary school with the same problem. We kept telling his teachers, one after the other, that he wasn't stupid. Everybody assumed that the reason he couldn't read was because he wasn't very bright. He ended up hating school.
Finally, at the end of secondary school, he was diagnosed by a psychologist as having dyslexia and he began to get extra help. I feel all those years were wasted when so much more could have been done. Insist that the school gets your child properly assessed now.
DI, by e-mail.
The story of your seven-year-old is a perfect description of what I went through myself. I gradually began to believe that I must be daft because I couldn't read like my classmates. There was no such thing as "dyslexia" in those days.
I left school as soon as I could, without any qualifications and barely able to read. I started my own business, which is still very successful. Only years later, as an adult, did I have the courage to get professionally assessed. The diagnosis of dyslexia was a big relief for me; I started to believe in myself again. I also put in a lot of hard work learning to read. Your child doesn't need to suffer any more. Persuade the headteacher that she isn't stupid and could improve with special teaching.
JE, by e-mail.
The law is on your side. Every pupil is entitled to a proper education. It's an absolute disgrace that things have got so bad with your child. No wonder she hates school - the teachers sound like they are just not doing their job properly.
There are lots of different types of help for those who have reading difficulties, and your daughter deserves her fair share of that. As soon as the new school term starts, talk to the headteacher about the problem. Don't be fobbed off with platitudes. Stand up for your child.
EH, by e-mail.
The parent doctor's reply
The problem isn't just that your daughter has a reading difficulty, although that would be challenging enough. No, the problem is that the reading difficulty has also created further drawbacks, including low motivation, low self-esteem and antipathy towards school. She's hardly likely to make educational progress, even with additional teaching, when she feels that way.
At this stage, it is not possible for me to give a view of the exact nature of her reading difficulty. Maybe she does indeed have dyslexia, maybe not; a school-based assessment involving appropriate educational professionals would shed more light. Therefore I suggest that this becomes your goal for the start of the new school term.
Immediately arrange an appointment with the headteacher, in order to discuss your concerns. Tell your daughter about this so that she knows you treat her seriously and that you are taking action to bring about positive change. That alone should start to boost her motivation.
During your discussion with the headteacher - which will preferably involve other school staff who know your child well and who can give an insight into her learning history and class-based educational progress - set out your worry about her long-term struggle with reading and about her low self-confidence as a learner. Inquire about the additional support that is available for a pupil with this type of difficulty, and ask for an individual learning plan for your daughter, one that sets out clear educational targets, explains what help she'll be given to meet these targets, and gives a timescale for reviewing her progress.
There can be no guarantees that your seven-year-old will completely overcome her difficulties with reading. Yet a partnership of additional learning support in school, a more positive approach from your daughter herself and steady support from home is much more likely to lead to change than allowing the current situation to persist any longer.
Next week's dilemma
Our nine-year-old daughter saw a movie about war, and now refuses to sleep alone in her own bedroom at night. She comes into our bed in the middle of the night, or just curls up on the rug next to our bed to sleep. I think she is frightened by what she has seen. How can I reassure her that everything is fine and give her the courage to go to bed by herself again?
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