The Think Tank: We present you with a radical idea. Then you tell us whether it's a winner. This week, Marisa Duffy argues that Honorary degrees make a mockery of our study.
You've scrimped and saved your way through university but your internment still brought you (or more likely your parents) to the brink of bankruptcy. You've juggled your studies with an array of menial jobs and you've stretched your mind to three times its natural proportions. Hopefully you enjoyed your fair share of partying - but you also spent many nights cramming the finer points of quantum physics or thirteenth-century literature into your head before an exam.
After three months without daylight, structured meals or meaningful social contact, you emerge from the never-to-be-repeated ordeal that is finals. And then, in what is probably the longest wait of your young life so far, you await the result of all your efforts with utter trepidation. Finally, it's graduation day. Let the jubilant mortar-board tossing begin - you've earned it.
Certainly, this is the conventional way of acquiring a degree. Alternatively, you could hope to do well in a completely unrelated field - say entertainment or sport or business - become a famous face and then be awarded an honorary degree. Nice one.
In recent years, the trend for awarding degrees to celebrities has boomed. Musician Midge Ure, comedian Jennifer Saunders and even Kermit the Frog (who can claim a degree from Long Island University) are among those who have benefited.
The most recent high-profile award was to the Indian actress Shilpa Shetty, who shot to fame in the UK after her appearance on Celebrity Big Brother, when she was at the centre of a furore about racist bullying. Shetty, a stalwart of Bollywood, emerged from the sordid episode with dignity and earned the respect of the nation. She's now been approached by Hollywood film-makers, and there's surely a book deal in the wings. Good for her.
However, last week she was awarded a doctorate - yes, a doctorate! - of arts by Leeds Metropolitan University. Shetty described her mother's pride, saying "she's always wanted me to graduate".
Meanwhile, back in the real world, actual students are dropping out like flies. The latest available figures show that more than one in 10 students at Scottish universities dropped out in 2004-05. Those who make it to graduation are usually launched into the working world with an eye-watering amount of debt.
Maybe those increasing numbers of primary school children who want to grow up to "be famous" as opposed a fireman, astronaut or doctor are on to something.
Some might argue that it's harmless fun which adds a bit of celebrity sparkle to a special day. Others believe it's a good way for educational establishments to raise their profile without having to pay an appearance fee. Surely academic achievement and ground-breaking research are how universities should be raising their profiles, not cheap publicity stunts.
And surely academia is the last bastion of modern life which hasn't been infiltrated with the vacuous twitterings of celebrity. When honorary degrees were first awarded, the idea was to give them to individuals who had achieved greatness in literature, science and engineering; people who had pushed the boundaries of the subjects with which students were engaged. Nowadays, television stars and entertainers are becoming ubiquitous recipients. It is meaningless, unnecessary and devalues the work of true students.
Regardless of how students found their way there, university is a level playing field and the degree which you clutch on graduation day is the result of your hard work. I suggest all establishments go the way of MIT (Massachusetts Institute of Technology) and refuse to give honorary degrees.
As for the alarming, presumably American, trend sweeping the country for tots to "graduate" from nursery oh, don't get me started.
- Does Marisa have a point? Comment online at www.theherald.co.uk, or e-mail features@theherald.co.uk (with the subject line Think Tank). We'll bring you the best responses later in the week, and a new idea next Monday.
- And if you have a radical idea you'd like us to consider for a Think Tank, e-mail an outline to the same address.
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