CAMPAIGNING in Glasgow East, Margaret Curran and her Labour retinue dropped into McVitie's Tollcross biscuit factory, immediately being barraged with serious political concerns by workers: rising fuel costs, food price increases, etc. Willie Gibson reports that one worried voter grew graver still, however, on spotting John Reid. The grim-faced constituent halted the former Defence Minister with a burning query: "Why have you signed Samaras? I think he's a dud." The current Celtic chairman drew on all the skills learned in his many years at Westminster, fixing a wry smile on his face and responding: "Listen, he's a tall, good-looking, long-haired Greek boy - all our female fans love him."

As Willie concludes: "There's no substitute for political experience."

Memowees ...
AH, childhood's innocent pleasures. Jim Cook, of Airdrie, had a pal whose daily primary school highlight was morning registration, conducted by a schoolmaster unable to prounounce his Rs. Jim's chum loved hearing him ascertain the attendance of Marie Dick.

Oh, brother
PROCLAIMERS fans have been reminiscing about past encounters with the twins who played in Edinburgh and Inverness over the weekend. One devotee recalled Charlie and Craig's participation in a school production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat in Cupar ("They were Potiphar and Pharaoh"). Another die-hard became a fan after witnessing them belting out The Joyful Kilmarnock Blues to an empty Manchester record shop in an early promotional stunt that went awry. "I finally met them backstage in Warrington in 2001," the fan continues, "and said the first thing I could think of: Where did you two meet?'"

Hottest new act
SOUTH Korean pop theatre group Junk Band Story ... Uh?! have caused alarm, panic and consternation ahead of their visit to the Edinburgh Fringe with a message to stage staff at their venue, the Universal Arts Theatre. Their e-mail simply read: "Have tried the flame retardant out on our set but it hasn't worked."

Hiding in plain sight
MEMBERS of the Territorial Army last week wore their military uniforms at their civilian day-jobs, thereby reminding folk of their front-line role in Iraq. This had drawbacks, according to John Daly, of Houston: "Our two TA staff-members were in the office wearing camouflage, and we couldn't see them."

Yin tune
COUNTRY music, but not as Nashville knows it. Hugh Colquhoun proffers another Hamish Imlach country favourite, I Eat My Cornflakes With Sugar And Teardrops Since The Milkman Ran Away With You, while Nigel Manuel praises Billy Country's attempt at writing a country song. Says Nigel: "Billy noted that the best ones always contained death or tragedy befalling a loved one, and inevitably a religious aspect. He thus penned the lovely ballad My Grandmother Drowned In The Grotto At Lourdes."