A DIARY source reports a singular exchange on a recent Glasgow-London flight. Every-one aboard the plane had clocked its famous passenger, choosing not to embarrass the celebrity by staring - everyone that is, apart from the traveller seated next to him. Eventually, after a good deal of surreptitious squinting, the chap turned to his well-kent neighbour, musing: "You're that famous chef, Harry Ramsden, aren't you?" A polite reply ensued: "You're close, but not quite right."

As our observer notes: "This was an impressively mild riposte given that the famous chef' was, in fact, Gordon Ramsay."

Shame of a nation
IT IS well known that Welsh valleys ring with the sound of male voice choirs. Nigel Manuel is thus alarmed by the name of the vice-president of International Business Wales, based in Mumbai and charged with promoting Indian trade and investment: Kant Singh.

The royal train
TALES of inquisitive American explorers, continued. Colin Robertson worked at Edinburgh Castle in his teens, savouring the queries voiced by our cousins from the land of the free. Colin always enjoyed being asked what time the one o'clock went off at, but he'll never forget the conviction with which a workmate answered another recurrent transatlantic stoatir: why was the castle built so close to the railway station? Colin's colleague, an older man, never failed to persuade visitors that should the English ever be seen marching towards the capital, castle guards would smuggle Mary Queen of Scots aboard the next Waverley shuttle bound for the safe historic haven of Glasgow's Queen Street.

Phone-etic spelling
ANNE McCallum, from Saltcoats, contacted local council offices by phone, carefully telling the mandarin on the other end of the line that "it's Anne with an E McCallum". She subsequently received a letter addressed to Mrs A Witherney-McCallum.

Fair cop
WHAT'S in a nickname? Barrie Crawford was chatting about cricket with an old friend, eventually turning to the England batsman who won the 1975 BBC Sports Personality of the Year award for a stubborn performance against Australia: David Steele. Steele was alleged to be tight-fisted in the after-match bar. This led to him being called Crime; as everyone knows, this is something that never pays.

Leisure class
STEPHEN Fry, pictured, soon to appear in a new BBC2 series, Last Chance To See, often tells people that he's in the lucky position of only accepting jobs which extend the promise of bounteous enjoyment, not wearisome travail. As he puts it: "I call them my Fry's Work-ish Delights."

Luck out
A COMPETITOR in Hilton Park Golf Club's July ladies' medal had a torrid time at the eighth. First she hit a tree, then the bell which hangs at the fairway's mid-point. Her third shot narrowly missed a large bird. The exasperated golfer turned to her playing partner, Glasgow councillor Jean McFadden, and exclaimed that all she needed now was to strike a fish in the burn at the 12th "and I'll have everything in Glasgow's city emblem - and it'll be clear to everyone that you've jinxed me!"

For crying out loud
COUNTRY song titles you love, part 96. Dedicated Stateside Diary reader Graham Brock alerts us to gems including: