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SPECTATORS at Stirling's Veterans' Day event in King's Park were invited to mingle with the Scottish Infantry's five-man Golden Lions parachute display team as they re-packed their kit after entertaining the crowd.
Re-folding a parachute is, of course, a painstaking process. Jack Robertson was impressed by the way the Lions went about untangling and re-folding their gear, while also fielding onlookers' questions.
One team member eventually experienced difficulty with his parachute pack's final fastening, choosing a commendably diplomatic silence when a local wifie ventured: "Do ye no' huv tae sit on yer case to get it shut, son?"
Talking a good game
ANTIPODEAN sports expert Roy Hay stresses that the
commentator who first confused testicles with tentacles was the late, great Jack Dyer. Also known as Captain Blood, Jack was an Aussie Rules Football hard man for Richmond, subsequently becoming a mangler of two languages - Strine and English - on TV and radio. Over four decades, his gems included:
In addition, Dyer once angrily denounced the Fitzroy team for having "copulated to the opposition." Best of all, Jack had a regular column in Melbourne's Truth newspaper which went under the self-deprecating name "Dyer 'ere."
Never booked
ON the topic of Aussie Rules Football, Davie Christie of Kelvindale states that whenever a player gets injured, he has to sit a written test to check for concussion before he can return to the field of play.
"Had this test of literacy been mandatory in Scottish football," reckons Davie, "There would be a list of players whose careers would never have begun."
Global capital
IT pays to advertise, reckons Doug Wright. Or maybe it doesn't. Doug laments the apparent demise of a construction company whose vans he once saw travelling between Glasgow, Edinburgh and Dundee.
Says Doug: "They all sported the coach-painted boast: Based in London - Paris - Rome - Los Angeles - but mostly Baillieston.'"
Cold mountain
EXPAT Craig Shepherd, now resident in Dubai, is alarmed by reports of a new American outdoor sports craze that's tipped to take Britain by storm.
"Surely not in the Cairngorms, with the midges and the rain?" gasps Craig: the pastime in question is nude rock-climbing, conducted not only sans clothing, but also minus ropes and crampons.
"Mind you," adds Craig, "if nude climbing does ever catch on in Scotland, it would add a new dimension to traditional activities such as scaling the Whangie, attempting Myopics Buttress or surveying the Inaccessible Pinnacle."
Glasgow love story
WEST End gallantry lives on, according to two old chums overheard catching up over a pint in Tennent's Bar. "I passed out blind drunk at a party," said the first chap. "Very good of
me, it turns out - and it's got
me an invite to something
much better."
Asked to elucidate, he explained: "My pal dashed forward to put me in the recovery position, and a girl came rushing over with her mobile to see if she should call an ambulance. Their eyes met across my prostrate form and they're getting married next month."
Shot down
SIGOURNEY Weaver whose voice features in the new animation blockbuster WallE, has recalled the futile protest she made during the production of Aliens.
Director James Cameron was less than sympathetic to her complaint about the sci-fi classic's use of guns. "What are you gonna do?" he asked. "Talk the alien to death?"
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