THE great Leonard Cohen, who plays Edinburgh Castle next week, received a storming reception at a gig in London last week.

After one standing ovation, he told the audience: "Please sit down. It makes me nervous - I think you're going to leave."

Service error
OUR tales of clumsy food servers reminds Frank Gilfeather: "More than 40 years ago, my oldest brother worked as a steward in the first class part of the liner the Empress of India, having forged several references on the headed notepaper purloined from various hotels.

"On day one, keen to get it right, he secured the first piece of roast beef in between fork and spoon before heading for the table, made his beef, madam?' announcement, then plonked it before her. Unfortunately, he had omitted to place a plate down beforehand."

Out in front
AN Edinburgh financial company held its annual golf match for its workforce last week.

One of the older members of staff was playing against a young lad who smashed his first drive just short of the green on the par four.

The older player told him admiringly: "Bloody hell! I don't even go that far on my holidays."

Hole in one
THEY just couldn't resist it, could they? When the local newspaper The Arran Banner reported that the Brodick waterfront road was closed temporarily owing to subsidence caused by a burst water pipe, they had to quote local polis Sergeant Bob MacKay as saying: "Yes, we realise that there is a hole in the road in Brodick. The police are looking into it."

Special brew
AUTHOR Peter Kerr's humorous crime novel The Cruise Connection includes a fictitious cocktail, the Glasgow Kiss, made up of whisky, Drambuie, Southern Comfort, brandy, gin, vodka, tequila, Pernod, sweet sherry, port, cherry brandy, peach liqueur, Carlsberg Special, Buckfast and Irn-Bru.

Peter tells us: "I've just received a call from a friend in Majorca to tell me that one exuberant holidaymaker, not realising that the Glasgow Kiss recipe was just a bit of tongue-in-cheek fun on my part, actually assembled the ingredients and drank them. He ended up in hospital having his stomach pumped.

"The happy ending to the story, however, is that the holidaymaker has made a full recovery, and the irony of it all for Glaswegians is that he hails from Edinburgh."

Cheap thrills
A READER tells us he was watching a repeated TV show that involved a robbery at a petrol station.

He later realised he had not been following the plot as his mind had been transfixed by the petrol prices of 72p a litre advertised at the pumps, and he had drifted off thinking about such halcyon days.

Hot property
A NEW range of luxury chocolate bars by The Chocolate Library feature famous Scottish landmarks, including one entitled the Scottish Parliament.

The condensed history of the parliament accompanying the bar explains that Queensberry House, which has been incorporated into the parliament building, includes the oven where the son of the Duke of Queensberry, 300 years ago, roasted a servant boy on a spit.

The oven is now in the office where politicians' allowances are processed.

Under offer
EDINBURGH company Splendid Property Management ran an advertisement in local newspapers which it illustrated with a picture of Edinburgh Castle with a To Let board outside it.

And, yes, a caller rang to ask when it was available.

Sail on
OUR mention of the tourists who were surprised that their yacht captain couldn't swim reminds a reader of being on an American cruise ship in the Caribbean when a fellow tourist asked a crew member if they could sail the ship nearer to the sunset.