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A GROUP of Rangers fans from Brigton in Glasgow's east end hired a limo to take them to Manchester so that they could do the Uefa Cup final in style yesterday. Unfortunately, the trip was just a bit too far for the car, and early in the morning in a service station en route, the car's battery exploded. They were going nowhere.
Undeterred, one of the group noticed a car transporter parked nearby that was carrying two Manchester council vans, and he asked the transporter driver if they could have the battery out of one of the vans.
"You Scots," said the driver shaking his head. "OK, they were going for repair anyway," Which is why an unsuspecting Manchester council ensured a group of Glaswegians made it to the match on time.
Land of nod
WE overhear a Rangers man at the Piccadilly Gardens fan zone phoning his wife to tell her his snoring had disrupted the sleep of the other lads in the Manchester Travelodge the night before the game. She must have given his some encouraging words, as he was then heard to tell her: "The snag was, it was the lads four rooms away who were complaining."
Water of life?
WITH the sunny weather almost as hot, dare we say it, as Celtic's Uefa final in Seville, we were surprised to watch a female Rangers fan pour a
bottle of expensive Evian water on to the pavement.
Our puzzlement was quickly solved when she then whipped a bottle of Smirnoff vodka out of her bag and refilled the Evian bottle - presumably in case of being stopped.
Her pal didn't quite get it right, as she filled her Evian bottle with Southern Comfort, giving the bottle a distinctive brown shade you wouldn't normally associate with an expensive designer water.
Pole's apart
AN upmarket Manchester bar had a doorman on duty
yesterday luchtime who was wearing a Kevlar stab-proof vest. A Rangers fan remonstrated with him, telling him the Scottish fans were on a friendly invasion, and wouldn't be causing any trouble.
"I'm Polish," the doorman replied. "It's the Russians I'm worried about."
Leading lights
And were the Celtic fans keeping a low profile yesterday? One texted us before the game: "Picture the scene. The Rangers dressing room falls silent. You can feel the tension. The team talk begins. OK, lads. Destiny awaits. We will win today at all costs to keep the historic quadruple alive.' Then in walks Walter Smith, who says, Thank you, Mr McCurry. I'll take it from here'."
Cheap trip
WE were impressed by the Rangers fan from Australia who spent £1500 for just 27 hours in Manchester.In an argument worthy of a woman defending the purchase of an expensive frock, he declared: "When you work it out, over the 36 years since we last won a European trophy, then it's only just over £40 a year."
Dining out
MEANWHILE, in Edinburgh, we hear from a barman who was approached by a group of American tourists who asked if they served food.
"Only pies and toasties,"
he replied.
"Could we get the menu then?" asked one of the visitors.
"Certainly," replied the barman who wrote: "Pies and Toasties £1.50" on a beer mat and handed it to them.
Steaks are high
With summer musical festival season just about upon us, seasoned festival-goers have been getting online to dish out advice to newcomers. As with any event on a large scale, people have been advised to watch their possessions, with one T in the Park regular warning: "In 2001, I spent five quid on a steak sandwich. I was looking at the bad boy, getting ready to take my first bite, when a hand appeared from behind me and swiped the steak from my baguette, leaving me standing there aimlessly with soggy bread. I saw a man bolt like thunder with my steak, and started to wonder where it'd all gone wrong."
Dog's strife
A SOLDIER back from Afghanistan was proud of the fact that he had earned his corporal stripes and suggested that the picture of him as a private patting the now deceased family dog on top of his parents' television should be updated.
His confidence was shattered somewhat when his mum replied: "Well, you see, son, we really keep the picture there as a memento of Buster."
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