THE BBC's Gaza correspondent, Alan Johnston (pictured at foot), who spent four months as a hostage, was guest speaker at Dollar Academy's annual dinner in Edinburgh. After a moving speech, Alan inquired if there were questions from the audience, and was asked: "You spent some time in Dundee - was that a good preparation for being held hostage in Gaza?"

A day in the life
ONE of the more excitable tabloids, writing about the strike threat at the Grangemouth oil refinery, harked back to the days of the seventies when a three-day week of electricity use by non-essential businesses was introduced by the government of Edward Heath, pictured.

A Herald reader recalls working in Glasgow at the time and his boss coming into the office and telling everyone that the government was putting them on a three-day week.

"I'm not working an extra day for any government," muttered one of the staff at the back.

Eye drops
A SHOPPER in Glasgow, who took a pair of expensive spectacles back to a well-known chain of opticians after its special anti-glare, anti-scratch coatings began to wear off, was asked how she cleaned them.

When she explained they were occasionally washed in water, the assistant said: "Oh, you should never put them near water."

So very reasonably the shopper asked: "What's rain?"

To the letter
DO we believe the teacher who tells us he asked his class the chemical formula for water and one of the pupils answered: "H I J K L M N O"?

When the teacher said that was rubbish the pupil replied: "You definitely said it was H to O."

Doctor? No A COUPLE of students having a pint in Sauchiehall Street were being dismissive of one of their mates who was making heavy weather of his course in medicine. "He still thinks," said one of them, "that a fibula is a small lie."

Cold comfort
SPEAKING of students, an Ayrshire reader watched his bleary-eyed son stumble into the kitchen at midday and open the fridge looking for sustenance. He didn't appear happy with the result as he then opened the freezer door and looked at the contents.

That was also to his dissatisfaction as he then proclaimed: "There's nothing in there that isn't frozen."

Good housekeeping
A READER back from holiday in Canada tells us she dropped a brush on the floor of her hotel room, and when she bent down to pick it up, she spotted something under the bed. Out of curiosity she reached under and pulled it out.

It was a card on which was typed: "Yes, we do clean under here, too."

Head of steam
BLESS the wee chap on the Glasgow to Edinburgh train, who, on noticing the train had stopped for quite a while, asked his mum: "Has the driver gone to put more coal in the train to make it go again?"

Birthday blues
AN ANXIOUS Rangers supporter on a fans' website yesterday explained that the Uefa Cup final is on the same day as his girlfriend's 21st birthday, and she would expect him to be with her rather than at the final if Rangers make it. What should he do?

As a fellow fan told him: "Birthday happens once a year. Rangers in a European final, once in every 35 years. A no-brainer."

Or the more terse: "Plenty of women out there but you might only get one chance to see us in a European final."

But perhaps fan forums are not the best places to get relationship advice.