A BUSINESSWOMAN flying up from London to Glasgow last week was sitting behind a mum with her two young boys. When the drinks trolley came round, one of the lads asked: "Mum, can I get a Coke?"

"No," replied the mum.

"You know why you're not allowed it."

He argued back: "But I'm strapped in, Mum - I can't go hyper."

Bletherer's block
FORMER police officer Derek Murray, of Scotland's Radio nan Gaidheal, was the popular winner of the Radio Personality of the Year at the Celtic Media Festival taking place at Galway, Ireland, at the weekend.

"Typical," said Derek as he picked up his award. "I'm the Radio Personality of the Year and I can't think of a bloomin' word to say."

Driven to despair
A GLASGOW student in Manchester had to phone his parents with the bad news that the car they had bought him had been stolen. They told him to contact the police and telephone his insurance company.

A week later there was no word on his car and he was resigned to never seeing it again, so imagine his joy when he walked to the nearest Subway sandwich shop to discover it sitting outside, apparently undamaged.

His joy was immediately dented when he had sudden clarity about driving round to the Subway a week earlier because he was starving, realising inside the shop that he was drunker than he thought, and deciding to do the right thing and walk home instead.

Sofa so good
A GLASGOW mother who had been out shopping all day had left her son at her sister's. When she arrived to collect him, the little lad told her proudly: "I've been a good boy today."

"You can't get into much trouble lying on the couch all day," his aunt explained.

"Dad does," the little one replied.

Grave misgivings
A CHAP in Milngavie phoned his widowed mum to see how she was, not knowing she had bought some flower bulbs at the supermarket that day which she wanted to plant on her husband's grave.

So you can imagine his shock when she told him: "Bring a spade when you come at the weekend. We're going to visit your dad."

With gusto
THE announcer at Glasgow Central Station last week must have been aware of the winds blowing down Union Street at the time. As part of the public information message about not leaving luggage unattended, he added: "Passengers please note that there is no skateboarding, in-line skating or windsurfing allowed on the station concourse."

Stomach Crunchies
"I FELT really sick after using the new machine they've installed at the gym," the young woman was telling her pal over a relaxing bottle of Rioja in the pub on Friday night.

"Was it a running machine?" her pal asked.

"No," replied the gym-goer. "A new vending machine full of KitKats and Crunchies."