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   Web Issue 3278 October 14 2008   
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While stocks last
KEN SMITHApril 15 2008

WE often ask if students are as politicised as their parents were in the seventies. The latest evidence comes from Strathclyde University, where Patrick McAleer spotted that some young revolutionary had scrawled "Free Tibet" in the library toilet early last week.

Alas, by Friday someone had added below: "Hurry, limited stock".

Cliche for hire
A GLASGOW southsider on holiday in Jerusalem last week was asked by a taxi driver where he was from.

"Scotland," he replied.

"Ah," said the taxi driver, reaching for a suitable stereotype, "the country where they hang their toilet paper up to dry so that they can use it again."

The Glaswegian was about to set him straight about tired old Scottish cliches when he thought of the most suitable riposte.

"So you won't be expecting a tip, then, I take it?"

Card's game
WE hear about a stag night in Newcastle where the Scottish chaps end up in a casino watching a fellow player making a killing with the black £25 chips piling up in front of him.

"Ah huvnae seen that many black chips," said a member of the stag from Ayrshire, "since ma' last fish supper in Saltcoats."

Bum deal
A REGULAR at The Garage nightclub in Glasgow, first stop for all partying students, went up to staff the other night and showed them that she had the club's logo tattooed across her bum. For her troubles she was given a year's free entry. As a Garage spokeswoman put it: "God knows how many people are going to see her bum, and you just can't buy advertising like that."

Garage management were tempted, though, to tell her that the name of the club was about to be changed, but thought that would be too cruel.

Below par
A SPORTS-page story about a blind golfer getting a hole in one reminds a reader of playing out a par-three hole when a ball from the next group landed on the green. As the green was out of sight of the tee, they cheekily put the ball in the cup and waited to hear the response when the player arrived.

As they stood at the side, the player arrived and they shouted at him: "Your ball's in the hole."

"Ya dancer!" the player shouted back. "That's a four."

  • "NOW that Charlton Heston's dead," said a collector of memorable quotes, "presumably they'll be able to get that gun off him now."

    Feeling blue
    READER Norman Ferguson tells us after the story about food hygiene breaches at Ibrox: "I don't see what all the fuss is about with Rangers and the council food inspectors. On a recent visit to Ibrox I ate at the E.Colin Stein cafe, the Paul Gastroenteritiscoigne Suite and the Peter McCloystridium Difficile Restaurant and I'm absolutely fine."

    Bright idea
    "I asked my girlfriend's best friend what to get her for her birthday," said the chap in the pub at the weekend, "and she told me to get her something which would make her face light up.

    "So I got her a torch."

    Home fixture
    QUEEN of the South fan Kevin Donnelly attended a wedding in Hong Kong recently where a fellow guest, an Aberdeen fan, bragged that he had already booked his flight home to Scotland for the Scottish Cup final.

    Alas, his plan went agley, of course, when Queens beat Aberdeen in the semi-final.

    The Aberdonian has now sent Kevin a copy of his e-mail to Yolanda Yuen at August Moon Tour and Travel of Kowloon which tersely states: "Owing to exceptional unforeseen circumstances I will have to cancel the flight to Glasgow."

    Oops.


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