Scottish writer Damian Barr has a new job. The young talent (this is the chap who brought us advice on how to get through the quarter-life crisis) has been signed up as the in-house "bibliotherapist" at a posh London Hotel for the capital's book fair, which starts today.

The Diary is told all Damian has to do is read bedtime stories to sleepless guests. Lovely.

"The guests don't have to pay me," he said. "They can just call me and I will come to their room in my pyjamas or I will do it down the phone line."

They did say bibliotherapist, didn't they, Damian?

Gong show
Time, we think, for one last parade to show off Scotland's new medals. David Walker wants to see a special award for contributions to public relations in the Merchant City: the Knight Confirmed Bachelor with Bar. And a warm thanks must also go to all Edinburgh readers who suggested a special Glasgow gong, the Order of the Bath. What are you getting at?

Fightin' talk
Oh, the media bubble. Easily popped. Take the salutary story of former tabloid hack Mike Ritchie and wrestler Hulk Hogan, pictured below.

Back in the 1980s Mike was worried that his two sons might hurt themselves mimicking the kick-ass moves of the WWF. So, hearing that the Hulk and his pals, Rowdy Roddy and The Undertaker, were to appear at the SECC, he gave them a ring.

The result: a front-page splash citing wrestlers warning kids that you had to be properly trained "to fight". Mike's boys weren't impressed. "You just made that up, didn't you, Dad," they told him.

Clink compendium
A final browse through some proposed titles for J K Rowling's prison literacy drive. The latest suggestions: To Kill a Mawkit Burd from Bert Houliston and Lav in a Cold Climate from David Walker. David Donaldson, meanwhile, has come up with the perfect book for lags who find God: the New Testimony.

Prawn cracker
Lost this week, George McKay, stalwart of the Aberdeen courts and a true gentleman of the press. George kept a straight face through many a case but finally cracked while hearing evidence against a Town Sergeant accused - wrongly, it turned out - of pilfering sausage rolls from Aberdeen's council buffet. "We completely lost it when a minor slip saw the depute fiscal accuse him of stealing what he called two bags of prawn's balls," a fellow hack told The Diary.