WE MUST admit that we occasionally make light of foreign visitors' mistakes about Scottish geography, so we quite rightly report the shoe on the other foot as reader Jim McCrudden tells us about returning from a holiday in Italy when, on checking in for the Glasgow flight at Verona airport, the check-in desk still had the sign "Cagliari" from a previous flight.

A Glaswegian in front of Jim checked in his luggage, looked at the sign, and declared: "Jist make sure this bag disnae end up in Canada, hen."

O dear
SHOPPING in Tesco, reader Billy Stewart was asked by the checkout girl what the item in his basket was. When he said: "Aubergine", she replied that it had slipped her mind, but she did know it started with an O.

Serious stuff
IT consultant Paul McElhone was contacted by a job agency to see if he was interested in a position it was trying to fill. The agency staffer began reading through the requirements, asking if he had knowledge of Microsoft Excel, Outlook and so on, before ending with: "Do you have any experience of Gravitas'? It says here you have to have gravitas."

Cattle prod
HUGH Brennan in Kilbirnie was listening to the BBC news report on the aircraft carriers to be built in Scotland. The reporter described it as a "major coup" not only for Prime Minister Gordon Brown but also for Defence Minister Des Browne, and Hugh thought to himself: "So that would be two broon coos?"

Rowling in the aisles
READER Mark Boyle believes he might have witnessed a case of Potter rage on the Johnstone to Glasgow train the other day.

A young woman was reading the latest Potter book when a young rapscallion who got on at Paisley sat opposite her and told her: "Ah know who dies in it."

Rather than discuss the book's content, the young lady reached across, pulled him roughly forward in his seat, shouted: "Don't even think about it," and pushed him back. The chap was so shocked he changed his seat for further up the carriage, although whether that could be described as disappearing like magic, we're not sure.

Remember what?
READER Jim Buchan was discussing with a much younger colleague the problems of ageing and your memory failing. So the youthful workmate said the answer was a new computer game which gave your brain a good workout every day with puzzles to keep you sharp.

When Jim asked what it was called, the chap replied: "Ehhh, I forget, but it was advertised by that actress who used to be married to Tom Cruise. What's her name again?"

"Maybe you should buy it yourself," said Jim.

Down to earth
ANDY Trombala tells us of a chap at Prestwick Airport who notices an attractive air stewardess at the next table in the coffee shop, but he is unable to make out what airline she is with.

So, being chatty, he leans across and says to her: "We'll take more care of you," but she gives him a blank look.

So he thinks to himself that she's not with British Airways as she didn't recognise their advertising slogan.

Next he tries: "More than just flying" - Iberian's slogan, but again just a hostile stare. Finally, after saying to her: "A great way to fly" - which he remembered as the Singapore Airlines slogan, she barks at him: "What the hell do you want?"

So he sits back in his chair and thinks: "Ah, yes, Ryanair."