Opera-go-round
CONFIRMING that opera is never dull, Sally Silver (pictured at foot), singing the eponymous role in Scottish Opera's Lucia di Lammermoor on Saturday at Glasgow's Theatre Royal, sprained her calf muscle in Act 1 and couldn't go on. Now we are not saying anything about the average age of opera-goers, but Sally was able to borrow a wheelchair from an audience member who was safely in her seat, so the show went on with Lucia whirling about the stage in the chair, singing as beautifully as ever.

Since then, Sally has had to endure fellow singers breaking into a version of Wilson Pickett's Mustang Sally changed to Wheelchair Sally, when she hirples past.

The decision on whether Sally can sing tonight has still to be taken. She could, of course, do the role on crutches, but with the surname Silver, it doesn't take a genius to work out what her new nickname would be.

Cursive script
LEGENDARY Austrian designer Stefan Sagmeister, the chap behind the 30-foot inflatable monkeys (pictured) in Glasgow, Edinburgh, Stirling, Dundee, Aberdeen and Inverness, which kicked off the Six Cities Design Festival, gave a talk on his work at the Glasgow Film Theatre where he was mobbed by enthusiastic fans afterwards.

One buxom young woman asked him for an autograph, then pulled up her top and proffered her bra-clad breasts to be written on.

"What is your name?" Stefan coolly asked, then added: "I hope it's a long one."

Real TV insider
GREAT chat-up lines of our time. A teenage girl getting off a bus in Glen Village near Falkirk caught the eye of a local chap who asked her: "Hey doll, do you recognise me frae the telly?"

After mentally running through the gamut of programmes she watched, Neighbours, the OC, Desperate Housewives, she had to shake her head as no image came to mind. So he tried to enlighten her.

"I was on that programme about Polmont young offenders."



A career on ice
A MEDICAL chap involved in the freezing of embryos to be used later by couples undertaking fertility treatment was asked at a reception at the weekend what he was involved in. "Embryo cryopreservation," he replied, but seeing a slightly puzzled look, he added: "Or as we like to call it, God's frozen people."



Smart thinking
POLITICAL commentator Alan Smart admits that Labour was speaking the truth before the election. Labour had scaremongered away that if the SNP got into power then everyone would be £5000 a year worse off.

And now only this week, Labour leader Jack McConnell, now in opposition, has asked his MSPs to contribute up to £5000 each to set up a new parliamentary political unit.

"So it's true!" says Alan. "Forty-six decent, hard-working Scottish families £5000 worse off under the SNP."



  • The fashion industry inquiry into super-skinny models is to be chaired by Baroness Kingsmill.

Presumably "eat more sandwiches" will be one of her recommendations.



Minute mistake
CHARITABLE trust director David Walton asked, after reading the trust's latest minutes, why they were making a donation to a charity called "Whack the Whack". Was this perhaps an old fan club dedicated to Jimmy Edwards? Or something more sinister?

But David, from Glasgow's south side, was reassured that it was a misprint, and referred to the esteemed cancer charity Walk the Walk.

Oh, and readers under 50 should ask their parents about the cane-wielding handlebar-moustached teacher if the Jimmy Edwards reference escaped them.



Badly treated boy
SOMEONE has contacted a Glasgow website and left the message: "I'm desperate to find Andy Kerr who worked as a waiter at Pontin's Barton Hall in Torquay in the winter of 1997.

"I was a Bluecoat there at the time and I'm afraid I treated him a little bit badly. I have often wondered how he is and if nothing else would just like to say sorry."

And we wonder: "Just what did the former health minister do before going into the Scottish Parliament eight years ago?"