One Robert Page of Luton wrote to the Financial Times this week with a query about Newcastle United's shirt sponsor. "How long before Northern Rock' is changed to Bank of England'?" he asked.

Very droll. And somewhat ironic too, since bitter rivals Sunderland were once known as the "Bank of England" club back in the 1950s, when they were flush with cash.

The Old Lady of Threadneedle Street has switched her allegiance, clearly. Just don't tell Sunderland manager Roy "Rottweiller" Keane, or Mervyn King will end up with a set of studs down his calf.

Red Gord' digs up ghost of Clause Four So Home Counties panic about "Red Gordon" was not so fanciful after all, notwithstanding that grisly photo opportunity with Mrs T.

He's only been at Number 10 for five minutes and already he's nationalising the banking industry. Clause Four is thus disinterred from the dustbin of history.

Hugo Chavez eat your heart out, mate.

Darling Prudence still at Number 10
So much for Adam Smith's "hidden hand of the market", by the way. Ah well, no, hang on.

Was it not laissez-faire champion Milton Friedman who observed that: "The hidden hand of the market will never work without a hidden fist"? Presumably he meant the "big clunking fist", as Tony Blair described his successor.

Meanwhile, rumours that Prudence has taken her leave of Downing Street with a perfunctory "I'm sorry, Darling," are understood to be wide of the mark.

Contagion spreads to Huw and Nick
The "contagion" (word of the week) appeared to spread as far as the BBC Ten O'Clock News - if we heard right.

On Monday, presenter Huw Edwards alluded to "Northern Wreck", while political editor Nick Robinson gloomily recounted the travails of a financial institution called "Alliance & Lecter".

Well, there was blood on the walls all right.

Good value rooms in the Indian Ocean
MIKE Balfour has been making the most of his free time since leaving Glasgow Investment Managers, after seeing his management buy-out bid defeated by Aberdeen Asset Management. But he still has an eye for a good-value investment. Or does he?

Mark Little of Barclays Wealth passes on the bizarre tale of Balfour's sterling efforts to organise a trip for eight people to the Scotland against Italy Rugby World Cup match in St Etienne next Saturday.

The time-rich Balfour generously offered to book flights and hotels for his travelling companions. Ever the canny investor, he managed to find a hotel at the remarkable price of £20 per night near St Etienne.

"I thought you wouldn't be able to get a hotel in St Etienne because of the Scots there," Balfour told us. "I thought: This is unbelievably cheap.' It was just outside St Etienne at a place called St Denis, with a wee map below it showing where the place was. That looked fine. I booked up for twin rooms, feeling very proud of myself."

So far, so good. So what?

Alistair Currie, former head of Edinburgh Fund Managers' UK smaller companies desk and former colleague of Balfour, decided he would also like to join the trip.

Balfour continued: "Alistair Currie came along late, saying he wanted to come too.

He looked up (the website) to see where the hotel was and there was this description of it (being) right next to the sea. That got his curiosity up because St Etienne - or St Denis - is 300 kilometres from the sea."

Oh dear. There was a simple explanation to this coastal conundrum.

"The hotel is in the Reunion Islands in the middle of the Indian Ocean," an embarrassed but nevertheless amused Balfour confessed. "That wasn't an ideal outcome. Sometimes, when you book up on the internet, when things look too good to be true, they usually are."

An amused Little, who Balfour quipped in mock huffery was not going because he was "not invited", pointed out that Google Earth puts Balfour's bargain hotel 8578 miles from the venue of the rugby match.

"I am sure that is an exaggeration as well," joked Balfour, while admitting: "It is probably not far off the truth."

Certainly a damn sight nearer the truth than Balfour's hotel is to next week's match.

Kids' editor practises what she preaches
The deputy editor of "Children and Young People Now!" magazine is off on maternity leave, media website Gorkana informed us this week.

Practising what she preaches, evidently.

  • Contribution: David Black and Ian McConnell