Chris Moncrieff

Poor Alistair Darling is not blessed with a voice that inspires the nation or quickens the pulse. He is not the man to rouse the rabble. In short he is no Henry V.

The chancellor delivered his first Budget today - mercifully short - in that familiar monotonous drone liable to induce torpor and even slumber on those on whom it is inflicted.

It is a tribute, therefore, to most MPs that they remained relatively animated throughout this humdrum performance. Most people would agree with David Cameron, the Tory leader, who said afterwards that it sounded about as exciting as someone reading out a telephone directory.

Darling did not bat an eyelid whenever, as happened once or twice, Conservatives voiced disapproval or when, more frequently, Labour MPs cheered him on. He simply ploughed on, like a repetitive gramophone record stuck in the groove, utterly impervious to anything going on around him. Deadpan was the word for him.

His predecessor Gordon Brown and members of the Cabinet, all looking earnest and sincere (there cs nothing worse) nodded in unison, with the precision of showgirls, at every glowing reference - and there were plenty of those - to the government's performance since 1997 and the Tories' "failures" in the 18 years before that.

Darling opened his Budget, as Brown invariably did, painting a rosy picture of the state of Britain's economy.

He said that Britain was better placed than other countries to withstand the present world-wide economic turmoil.

"My forecast is that the United Kingdom economy will continue to grow throughout this period of global uncertainty," he said bravely - a view that was greeted with sceptical voices from the opposition benches.

His political opponents sounded very much as though they could not wait to get their hands on the small print in order to demonstrate that, in their view, the chancellor's brave words that the UK could withstand all the buffets and brickbats that could be hurled at it, were misleading.

But much of the Budget was familiar stuff: a warning that failure to act on climate change now would lead to "catastrophic" results. He thus introduced tough measures designed to reduce our old friend the carbon footprint and generally to make us all behave much better and show more respect for the environment.

There was help for hard-working poor families and measures to lift thousands more children out of what is deemed to be poverty, as well as more money for pensioners' winter fuel allowances.

Inevitably, there was an 11p increase in the price of 20 cigarettes, a move which would have led to howls of protest 20 years ago but which was greeted with murmurs of approval today.

And, presumably, to deal with binge drinking, there were considerable increases on beer, wine and spirits.

The chancellor no doubt possesses many great qualities, but fervour and fire, zest and heat are not among them. This was a cold and passion-free zone.